


i'm afraid that's just the way the world works

by cherryblossomera



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bi-Curiosity, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Fluff, JaeYong - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 04:27:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23972290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryblossomera/pseuds/cherryblossomera
Summary: taeyong just wants a kiss.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. protect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong doesn't want to be here.

taeyong wanted to run away. 

his usual introverted self would've stayed home if it wasn't for jaehyun dragging him to celebrate his basketball team's win again. initially rejecting the offer, jaehyun managed to persuade him into accompanying the younger to the frat party. fuck jung jaehyun and his stupidly cute face. 

jaehyun did not enjoy parties much, being the awkward darling he is, but this was different. taeyong thought. he genuinely liked being here.

everybody seemed to know each other but taeyong felt so left out. and the brunette left him all alone for his friends. 

"hey, taeyong right? " a voice popped up from behind him. he turned back and to see johnny,one of jaehyun's closest friend. 

"ah yes, hello johnny hyung," taeyong bowed down and smiled at him. "what are you doing here taeyong-ah? get some drinks, enjoy! it's a party," johnny patted his back. 

"actually-"  
"loosen up boy, grab some drinks enjoy yourself taeyong, don't worry too much," johnny's eyes were crinkled up and he sounded a bit tipsy.

taeyong sighed. maybe he was right. chuck jaehyun, he's gonna go get drunk today."that's the spirit! " johnny exclaimed as taeyong got off the chair in the corner of the room. 

taeyong walked over to the mini-bar at the end of the room (a mini bar in a home? how rich). unfortunate for him, he had to witness how horny drunk couples were rubbing off each other and making out, as if they were starved feral animals finally being able to eat. 

one of them being jaehyun and a girl he's never seen before. both of them standing close, sucking each other's faces off. 

_gross_

but taeyong kind of wishes it was him. jaehyun didn't even know the girl. 

"a beer please! " he requested. he politely thanked the bartender and left. taeyong wasn't a light weight. a bottle of beer wasn't capable of making him drunk. 

taeyong went to the centre of the hall. the alcohol was finally kicking in. loud pop music boomed through the speakers, sweaty bodies grinder against each other. everyone here was intoxicated. he wanted to lose himself in the crowd. mix in with them forget the momentary pain of reality. to live in the moment. 

someone had their hands around his waist.  
"taeyong," _this voice._  
"you've gotten so much more prettier in the last few years. i missed you yongie," he rasped out.

_chanyeol hyung?_

chanyeol was his first love. someone he was loved dearly back in high school. things did not end well. chanyeol had left to pursue his higher education, abroad. taeyong remembered crying a lot. and jaehyun sat with him, for the entire night.being his emotional support. 

taeyong felt himself sober up. his words were stuck in his throat and tears formed in his eyes. he didn't want to cry again. not for someone who didn't care about him. 

chanyeol hugged taeyong. 

"i'm sorry yong," "i know i shouldn't have left without telling you an-"  
"not even a single call. or even a message would've been fine," taeyong croaked out. "i know taeyong, i was wrong. i am not here to win you back, it's not something i am quite worthy of. just wanted to apologize, for all the pain. it will be fine, if you don't forgive me, it really is my mistake."

a hand pulled him out. "hyung, it's time to leave."  
_it was jaehyun. again. it felt like everything was repeating again. and jaehyun was here yet again shielding him._

why can't he protect himself from getting hurt? why is that everytime, he needs jaehyun to fight his enemies for him. he felt nauseous. disgusted by himself. 

while being dragged away by the younger, he turned back to look at chanyeol. was he,sad? 

"how did you find me, yoonoh?" they stood in the middle of an isolated park.  
"your pink hair stands out, it's impossible to not notice you," jaehyun scoffed. he frowned. why was jaehyun upset? 

"hyung what was he doing here?" "i don't know jaehyun," taeyong looked down. "you should've left. or do you still have feelings for him?" jaehyun scowled. taeyong pondered over it sometime. "the only feelings i harbor for him is anger, i promise. he just wanted to apologize." _it's you, not him,_ taeyong wished those words would've come out, he could've blamed it on his drunk state of his mind, and it would be over. 

"don't be upset jaehyunnie," he moved his arms to wrap it around jaehyun's neck and engulfing him in his warm embrace. "i'm sorry hyung, i just wanted to protect you," the younger murmured, his face buried in the older's neck. jaehyun kissed taeyong's collarbone and straightened his back and held the pink-haired's frail hands in his. they fit perfectly. "take care of yourself, hyung." they stared at each other. taeyong wanted to be like this. just him and his love, under the the moonlight that managed to beam through the spaces between the clouds of the dark night's sky. admiring the brunette's face, drowning in the hoax of being protected by someone. he didn't want to go to the place he called home. he wanted to be here, the only crowd with him being someone he loves, and the small creatures of the greenery. the only song he hears is of the wind that howled along with the chirping of the crickets hiding in the bushes, and the dried leaves that swayed around to its beat. 

but the euphoria has to come to an end soon. before he starts to want for for this to become his reality.

taeyong wasn't crazy infatuated with the other. he didn't feel the sparks or a zoo did not run around in his stomach. his heart didn't race and his mind was not always occupied with him. it was an emotion, something taeyong didn't quite understand himself. the desire to understand the other, to always protect him and be with him. he wanted to be his diary and the page on which jaehyun could speak out his mind. it was more of a warmth of a blanket in an isolating cold winter night.he wanted to know what was going on the other's mind. even if these romantic feelings faded away, he would still care for the younger with much dedication as he did now and has been doing.

"let's go home yoonoh," he spoke out reluctantly. the latter nodded, as they started to walk towards their homes. they walked hand in hand, almost like a habit they had developed in their childhood. fingers intertwined, taeyong's head on the younger's shoulder. just the two. and nobody else. 


	2. i'm here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong tells jaehyun he'll be there for him, even when its just them against everybody else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning. 
> 
> also this is just part 1:)

"i don't want to see you near that boy, ever again. do you hear me taeyong?" his mother sternly looked at him. taeyong felt like he would break under her gaze. he wouldn't cry. not in front of someone who didn't deserve to see him like that. "tell me taeyong, do you hear me?" his mother yelled, holding the collar of his shirt.

"what did he do?" 14 year old taeyong questioned meekly, not daring to look up. he knew ten was gay. but if he told his mother, he was afraid this would've happened.

"he's _gay_ , taeyong," her face scrunched up in disgust. "he's mentally ill, i don't want you to get influenced taeyong. if you will spend time with him, you're going to become like him," her eyes softened. "i only care about you taeyong, i just want the best for you," she loosened her grip. taeyong exhaled. his head was a haywire. but he didn't want to loose a friend, someone just like him. someone who he could finally talk to, and share his problems with. 

so that was the day he decided to sneak out of his _home_. to meet ten.

it was late. nearly midnight. he sat under a tree scared. the initial feelings of rebel and excitement had turned into fear. but the sound of the swift movement of the leaves of the trees sounded like whispers of serenity to his mind. young taeyong had always loved the nature. 

the nature seemed to love him back too.

it had started to pour. a smile played on his face. his face lit up. a drop of water had slid down from the surface of a leaf and fell onto his nose. taeyong giggled. 

he knew going into the rain instead was a bad idea, and he'd _probably_ get sick; but that wouldn't stop him. he let his shirt get drenched.

"hyung!" a squeaky voice screamed. taeyong turned back. 

"taeyong hyung!you're going to get sick, stay back, " a boy holding an umbrella and a plastic bag ran swinging in his other hand.

taeyong was puzzled. who was this kid. he squinted his eyes to focus of little fellow that ran towards him.  
_ah. that's where he'd seen him._

"hey buddy. aren't you our neighbour's son? "

"y-yes," he looked down, the tips of his ears reddened.

_awww. what a precious little kid._

"what are you doing here? shouldn't you be in your home? it's very late, " he scolded. "can't i say the same about you? " taeyong was embarrassed.

"tsk,what a sharp mouth, " taeyong clicked his tongue. "i am still older than you," he argued. both of them chuckled. taeyong felt his chest lighten. 

they talked. despite the age difference, taeyong felt comfortable opening up and talking to the younger. he found that jaehyun was more mature for someone who was just 12.

time passed. they had grown up. they were in the same school. taeyong made it a point to always protect jaehyun. made sure jaehyun never went through what he had gone through.

he made sure to beat the bully till he bled. 

"get away from me you fucking fagg*t. how long do you plan to be protected by this fag yoonoh? " the bully spat out blood and rubbed his nose. _the word. here it was again._

taeyong's pupils shrank and he staggered back. but he was able to regain his composure and drag jaehyun out of there. 

"why do they keep calling you that hyung?" jaehyun said teary eyed. "ignore them," taeyong replied back, still pulling him. 

"maybe i will. but how long will you keep pretending like it doesn't affect you?" he was a sobbing mess by now. taeyong stopped dead on his tracks. 

he looked at jaehyun softly and pulled him into a hug. " _you are my priority, yoonoh._ don't ever be hurt and i will be alright, " he kissed the head of the younger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure how to send them home so .-.  
> i am going to get over with the flashback quickly so we can move into the present as soon as possible ^Δ^


	3. if you're gonna leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning
> 
> one thing i'd like to clarify is that both despite being 2 years apart, jaehyun is only a grade junior than taeyong.

taeyong sat with his legs curled up to his chest, his hands muffling his mouth and tears fell on to the sheets of his bed. his chest rose and fell, heart raced and his body cold and numb. he gasped for breath, and head dizzy.

his hand searching for the closest sharp object, it fell on the paper knife lying on his study table. biting on the corner of the pillow, he slid the knife across his wrist. it didn't bleed. he pressed harder. a small cut through which blood trinkled down his arm. his back slacked on his bed's wooden frame, releasing a deep breath out. he threw the knife on the floor.

the door swung open. "taeyong?"  
it was chanyeol. 

chanyeol had been visiting taeyong over a lot recently. they had grown closer. there was still a small guilt taeyong felt for not spending much time with jaehyun. but that guilt faded away once he sees jaehyun with the set of "friends" he had made when they had entered high school and jaehyun joined the basketball team of their school. taeyong should've realised jaehyun would've wanted to hang out with kids his age, and would eventually leave taeyong one day, just like everybody did. it was fine, they talked sometimes, but since jaehyun found someone else to goof around and talk to, their conversation limited itself to a simple 'hi' or 'hello' and then they walked past each other, their own ways and lives. chanyeol, a senior, had then walked into his life. it began as a tutor-tutée, since taeyong's grade had found a new level of low, and chanyeol had offered to help him out. and then stepped up to a sweet friendship both of them adored.

taeyong slid his t-shirt's sleeve down to his wrist, hoping to hide what he had done. chanyeol perked his eyebrow up. _what are you hiding?_ , his eyes looked down on taeyong's palm suspiciously. quite of a sudden, he started to move closer and closer to the younger's face. "taeyong?"  
"yes hyung?"  
"what's are you not showing me?" as chanyeol moved closer, taeyong panicked and raised his hand. chanyeol took his moment and grabbed his arm with a strong grip. taeyong whimpered and chanyeol softened his hold on the other. he looked at him with a gaze with an emotion taeyong couldn't sense. _was it pity? or sympathy?_ "taeyong," chanyeol whispered as he let down the other's hand slowly, "why don't you ever talk to me? open to me, please," he pleaded. taeyong was struck with a sensation of hope. maybe someone did care for him, but was it a lie to gain his trust and then throw him out? taeyong didn't know. a drop of a tear rolled down his already dry cheek. he wasn't able to hold it in. he sucked in his breath, trying to make it stop. chanyeol had noticed it and took him into his embrace.  
"cry it out, taeyong. don't bottle them up. let them all out," he stroked his back, and waited for the other to calm down. "breathe taeyong, breathe," taeyong eventually calmed down. his breath evened out. "feeling better?" he questioned, taeyong nuzzled his head in chanyeol's. "tell me what's going in your life, yong. i want to know it all," taeyong wrapped his hands around chanyeol's waist, and they laid there, in each other's warmth and presence. "let's go and wash the wound off now, shall we?"

prom night was nearing. taeyong didn't have a date. ten told him that it would be easy for taeyong to find himself a date, and then went on to talk about how he shouldn't think low about himself and his looks, and that he's gorgeous, and the same best friend shit. "hasn't chanyeol asked you out yet," doyoung asked, lazying himself on the bed. taeyong's cheeks were flushed red. he liked the older, and maybe, the older liked him back. "he hasn't," taeyong answered, scratching the skin under his eyes.

the doorbell rang. "ah it must be romeo," doyoung snickered. taeyong glared at him and ran towards the door to open it up. chanyeol was standing there, holding flowers in his hand and a goofy smile that adorned his face. he seemed to be a bit nervous. taeyong's heart raced. _is it?_ "hey taeyong," chanyeol awkwardly giggled. "hello hyung," taeyong smiled shyly and widened the door to let chanyeol into doyoung's house. chanyeol took of his shoes while greeting the other two. "you wanted to ask me something?" "uh yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"first of all, uh, here these, flowers, these are for you," he gave them to taeyong and looked down, pink tinting his cheeks. chuckling softly, taeyong took the flowers. ten and doyoung at the back snorted at the taller's behaviour. "i wanted to ask you to," taeyong nodded his head and signalled him to keep going. taeyong was eager. the other two stood quietly. "w-will you be my prom date?" chanyeol took taeyong's hand in his, and looked at him with hope. taeyong found himself melting. "yes hyung," and leaned forward to kiss the older's red cheek. his friends squealed at the back, and then went back to their normal composure. chanyeol grinned. "i won't disappoint you."

taeyong and chanyeol continued to date after their prom night too. their first kiss was under the moonlight in chanyeol's bedroom. it was taeyong's first kiss. everytime, they were together, taeyong had momentarily forgotten everything. his mother, the cruel outside world.

they were going to a restaurant. it was to celebrate their first anniversary. they sat down to order food, when chanyeol seemed to have noticed something. he eyes glinted, "taeyong, that's my sister, chaeyoung. taeyong turned back to find jaehyun with her too. he was upset that he didn't know about them but was also happy for jaehyun. it seemed like they both had found a someone for themselves. chanyeol waved his hand in the air to catch their attention. "chaeyoung!" he called out.

chaeyoung and jaehyun turned their heads to see them. "ah big bro!" she smiled and the two walked over to the table. taeyong was happy to see jaehyun after a long time. but jaehyun didn't really reciprocate the same for taeyong. taeyong frowned. "and who may this be?" chaeyoung asked with a hint of tease in her voice. "t-this is my boyfriend, taeyong," they blushed. _how would jaehyun react though? _taeyong was a bit worried.__

__jaehyun's eyebrows furrowed._ _

____

__they sat down and talked for a while. "taeyong hyung, can i talk to you?" taeyong looked at jaehyun and nodded with a smile. "go ahead," "not here, somewhere else?" taeyong looked at chanyeol and chanyeol told him to go on. jaehyun pulled them both out of the restaurant and into a secluded place.__

____

____

"hey kiddo!" taeyong grinned and ruffled jaehyun's hair. jaehyun's frown deepened. "why did you stop talking to me?" taeyong mood had dropped. "you're blaming it on me? it was _you_ who decided it was okay to leave me like that, and move on with your new friends. don't you ever say it was me," jaehyun stopped himself. "why didn't you stop me?" he mumbled. 

"because i figured out that you would need new people in your life, and shouldn't remain dependant on me. i just didn't know you'd block me out of your life," the younger slouched and loosened up. "so how's it going on; uh you know, with your _date_ ? she's pretty and is sweet. you have my permission" taeyong grinned, in an attempt to lighten up the atmosphere. "she's no-" "anyways, yeah, its going alright, what about you? and your _boyfriend_ "he emphasized. "its going quite well yoonoh," taeyong smiled genuinely, "i feel like he's just the person for me," he sounded love struck. jaehyun took a deep breath. "hyung?" jaehyun's rested his palm on taeyong's face. _oh wow, he's grown so tall. taller than him already._ taeyong eyes fell on jaehyun's palm and he quickly retracted his hand back. "s-sorry," he stuttered. taeyong features softened. at least they were on talkable terms now.

"please don't ever leave me again." 

the day when chanyeol had left had come. he went to study abroad, leaving back only a letter for taeyong. it took days for him to get over the shock.

jaehyun sneaked into taeyong's room and consoled him. they had gone back to how they were as kids. inseparable. jaehyun sat there on the bed, a sobbing taeyong in his arms. "why does everybody leave me, jaehyun?" his big doe eyes stared at jaehyun, glossy with tears. "please don't say that hyung," he kissed at the top of his head. 

calming down a little, taeyong clung onto jaehyun's shirt, staring at him. the room was quiet. his mother was outside, so there was no screaming in the house. "jaehyun?" jaehyun turned his head down. their faces close to each other. jaehyun's breathing became heavier. he nested his head in the crook of taeyong's neck , nipping on his soft skin. "y-yoonoh," taeyong moaned out, clutching the younger's shirt.

"yoonoh, n-no," he had pushed away jaehyun. "i'm s-sorry hyung, i just don't know what happened," he stuttered, holding his palm over his mouth. "it's fine," taeyong sighed. this was wrong. he felt like he had cheated on chanyeol. 


End file.
